More On (Moron?)
Short Words

I GOT 64 THOUGHTFUL REPLIES to my column last week, in which I advocated the acceptability of chat room abbreviations in schools. Seven agreed with me, six were on the fence, and a whopping 51 readers wrote to disagree.

The main argument against abbreviations was a good one: Most people aren't familiar with them, so 1) allowing them would be divisive; 2) clear communication to a wide audience cannot be achieved with them; and 3) they are therefore not mainstream enough for the classroom. Others argued that it's hard enough to teach kids clear English without encouraging chat room muck. More than a dozen notes came from teachers. Several came from students. One reader asked rhetorically why I don't write my whole newsletter in chat room lingo (with the point being that it would be far less clear and readable -- which is why that kind of writing isn't worth teaching). 

Here are excerpts from three of the e-mail messages I received: 

We have entered an age where students don't have to learn math, they can plug numbers into a calculator or spreadsheet. They don't have to learn to spell because it will give them a red squiggly line if it's wrong. They don't have to learn grammar, they will get a green squiggly line. Now you are saying that they don't even have to use proper English. What's next, resorting to a series of grunts instead of actual words?
Mark

As a teacher who is relatively young (28), you might think I would agree with you about how we educators should accept the usage of abbreviations commonly found on the internet. However, I do not! I think it is fine to use them ON THE INTERNET, and in e-mail correspondence, but that is where they need to stay. If you don't believe me, you should see some of the papers that are turned in to me. It is clear that spell check has ruined the language for some of these kids. The papers are WONDERFUL when they can use grammar and spell check, but if they have to write something on the spot, say, in class, they often can't spell to save their lives. 
Lisa 

I love your newsletter and had to respond to your latest opinion on chat abbreviations. I'm a 20-year-old college student and have seen the same thing. I actually agree with the professors or "The Powers that Be" on this one. The problem with these abbreviations is most people, even in a tech-heavy area like DC's suburbs, don't get online. Those that do hardly chat. And those that chat hardly use abbreviations. I regularly use chat and e-mail with other young friends who welcome technology. But when I was reading your newsletter, I didn't know what "lmk" meant.
Syed 

Here is one of the letters I received in agreement: 

The history of the English language has always been dynamic. But birthing changes is not without some pain and the "establishment" pushing back. I am from the sixties, a boomer generation, that offered our beatlesque modifiers to the dictionary. Chat spellings will, by their very usage, become part of our written history -- teachers cannot hold back the tide.
Dennis

These are all very good points, and I appreciate the dialog. 

I'll agree that we're not ready for chat abbreviations in the schools. But in ten years time, chat abbreviations will likely be so widespread and understood that they'll enter the school system as a legitimate subset of English instruction. Every medium has its own spontaneously grown style, and all languages naturally evolve through the acceptance of error and shortcuts.

Yes, technology is eroding the development of basic skills, like spelling, etc. Kids no longer learn to use, for example, a slide rule. Is that a bad thing? Technology has wiped out huge numbers of skills, from hunting with bow-and-arrow to lighting fires with stones to tending livestock. Should we require the development of all these skills in all students when technology has made them unnecessary?

When it comes to reading, writing and math, the answers aren't so easy. And what happens when computers are so ubiquitous, and when speech recognition has been so perfected, that reading and writing both become unnecessary. Will language devolve back to an oral tradition? And what will be the purpose of education when technology makes all knowledge available to all people at all times. Are any of us ready for that? 

This is going to be a challenging century. 

In the meantime, I'll leave you with one more e-mail I received about chat room abbreviations: 

hey, 
im one of those kids who sometimes forgets im in school and uses internet slang in journal writing, etc. but i think your article is wrong, and i m trying to stop writing like im IMing my friends.  in the real world people wont and shouln't accept w/e btw bb or gtg as real words.  we keep getting further away from real life with these stupid computers.  if im talking to a person or writing anywhere other than my home, i know that its important to speak to people using the language i've been taught, not some geeky computer talk that doesnt mean anything.  
sincerely kirsten

Arrrgh, Matey! Pirates Sail the High Seas

Software and digital-content Pirates are doing what pirates have always done -- they're taking to the high seas. The Malaysiakink news site is reporting that crime syndicates are setting up floating manufacturing and distribution ships that enable pirates to make the CDs in international waters beyond the reach of law enforcement, coming ashore only to unload the disks and pick up more supplies. If this trend continues, you could see increasingly larger numbers of pirate ships full of swarthy, rum-swilling ruffians roaming the high seas and burning CDs with reckless abandon. 

Wwwaaaaa! (Translation: My Diaper Needs Changing!)

A Spanish inventor has created a gadget that tells why your baby is crying. Engineer Pedro Monagas said this week that the $93 device, called "Why Cry," will go on sale at pharmacies in Spain by the end of October. Monagas says he has identified five distinct crying types, which "Why Cry" can interpret. It shows its results on a screen that shows one of five faces, each indicating a different motivation for crying. Maybe future versions will use speech technology, translating baby's wails into spoken language, perhaps even a version with a slight English accent: "Excuse me, mother. There appears to be something unfortunate in my diaper."

Big Brother is Clocking You

Time-clock maker Digiclock announced recently that it has added a hand-recognition biometric reader to its line of time-card punching products. The product is designed to prevent "buddy punching," whereby one employee clocks in another employee who isn't there. If you want to be late and still get away with "buddy punching" now, you're going to have to cut your hand off. 

Beware of Exploding Corpses

Discover Magazine is reporting that heart pacemakers have become a major safety risk to crematorium employees. The battery-operated pacemaker electronics contain highly combustible materials that can explode when the body is cremated, sometimes even blowing the doors off ovens. Scientists recommend the installation of airport security-style metal detectors at crematoriums to protect staff and property.

Where the Girls Are

A German company has created a top-level domain for women only. The .frau domain exists as an Internet alternative without offensive spam, chat room sexual harassment or  pornographic banner ads. To register a domain, you must prove you're a woman. You won't see www.mikeslist.frau because I would need a sex change to register (and I thought dealing with VeriSign was a hassle...). Susann Ricke and Dagmar Palsson of Exist@, a private German company, launched the project in July with support and funding from the Green Party-aligned Heinrich Boll Foundation. Currently, the firm has just 150 customers. 

Grabby Robots

In their ongoing secret program to one day dominate American baseball, Japanese Researchers at the University of Tokyo have created a robot hand that can catch a falling ball with just two fingers. The robot consists of a camera eye and a two-finger hand, each with two joints. The camera can process 1,000 images per second, and the computer brain of the robot carries out 1,000 calculations per second in measuring the distance between the falling ball and the fingers. It turns out that the development of robots that grab things is something of a specialized field. Check out this video. And this one. It's all based on super fast processing that enables robots to track moving objects. Creepy!

Cell Phone-Proof Walls

Hideo Oka and a team of engineers at Japan's Iwate University have invented walls that block cell phone calls. They're using nickel-zinc ferrite sandwiched between regular fiberboard. The ferrite particles absorb more than 95 percent of the electromagnetic waves transmitted by cell phones. Oka originally planned cell phone resistant plywood, but abandoned that idea because the wood warped too easily. Researchers believe the walls may find ready markets in countries like the United States, where electronic cell phone jammers are illegal. The walls may become available to building contractors in about two years. 

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One Cool Fire Engine

Peugeot has developed a hydrogen-powered fireman's dream car called the H2O. The concept is currently being shown at the Paris Motor Show, which started September 28 and ends Sunday. An auxiliary power unit supplies pumps and emergency communications equipment at the scene of fires and other emergencies. If the air is too smoky for the engine and occupants, on-board oxygen-tanks take over. Like all hydrogen-powered fuel cell cars, the H2O doesn't pollute and produces only water instead of exhaust. 

Instant Ring Tones -- Just Hum Into the Phone

A UK company called Crazy Mobile introduced yesterday a service called WildTones. UK residents can call WildTones at 0906 174 4556 and hum a tune into the phone. WildTones immediately translates the song into a usable ring tone, which is immediately delivered to your cell phone as an SMS message. 

Robot Dog Gets 'Battery Trained'

Sony marketing executives announced yesterday that the company will sell AIBO software that teaches the old dog a new trick. The software is called "Oriko AIBO," which is Japanese for "Good Boy, AIBO!" It tells the AIBO to monitor its own battery level. When the battery is nearly drained, AIBO will automatically walk to, and sit down on, its battery charger, which starts charging the robot. I wish I could teach my Handspring Treo to do this. 

Proof You Can Buy Anything on the Web

You can buy anything -- ANYTHING -- on the Internet. For example, you can fire up your browser and purchase...

A ghost-busters car

or even a couch modeled after a 1957 Chevy

Bad Robots

Timbot is a DARPA (U.S. Defense Department) funded project designed, according to the web site, "to show how [the] Timber [programming language] supports rapid construction and reuse of embedded, real-time applications with enhanced portability, guaranteed behavior for real-time components as a result of static analysis, and dynamic adaptivity for real-rate components driven by varying, user-specific QoS requirements." Now what the heck does THAT mean? Your tax dollars at work here, folks. It's a PC-controlled monster truck toy. And these geniuses got the Pentagon to pay for it! 

Mike's List on the Radio

 Craig Crossman's Computer America features Mike Elgan every Thursday night. The show runs from 8pm to 9pm SVT (Silicon Valley Time). Listen to Computer America on your local Business TalkRadio station or over the Internet every weeknight. Don't miss Computer America!

Follow Up

Last week I told you about German hackers from the Chaos Computer Club who used the outer wall of the French National Library in Paris as a giant computer screen during Paris's "White Night" celebration. I asked readers to send pictures. Thanks to Roland, Achim, Kevin, Michael and Tony for sending in pictures and links. 

Gotta-Get-It Gadgets

Last week I told you about the EluminX from Auravision, a keyboard that lights up. Well now you can buy a pointing device to match. It's an optical mouse called the Elecom Grast 24. Because it's translucent, the the laser lights up the whole thing. Best of all, you can pick one of 24 colors for the laser beam by simply holding down the mouse button. It's made for the Japanese market, but you can buy it at Dynamism. 

Wacky Web Sites

Fairy Tales for the Erudite features classic stories re-written using as many big words as possible, with hyperlinks to definitions. 

You've heard of the (ever elusive) paperless office. Now you can make and fly paperless paper airplanes!

Someone built a web site to show off their -- are you sitting down? -- fully functional, full-size harpsichord! (It's made entirely of Legos.) 

If you think THAT was hard, try making a reproduction of Escher's "Ascending and Descending" drawing with Legos (and, presumably, PhotoShop). 

Last Week's Mystery Pic

No, it's not a "replacement for Microsoft's 'Blue Screen of Death,'" "a monitor for people with multiple personality syndrome," or even a "scene from a low-budget sequel to 'Minority Report,'" as suggested by some readers. It's actually a PC monitor of the future from Microsoft's Center for Information Work, a permanent exhibit of near-future office stuff. Congratulations to Dennis Adams from Madison, Wisconsin, for being first with the right answer! And Special thanks to reader Bill Botzong of Alpharetta, Georgia, for this insider look at the monitor under construction. 

Mystery Pic o' the Week

What is it? Send YOUR guess to [email protected] (be sure to say where you live). If you're first with the right answer, I'll print your name in the next issue of Mike's List!

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