Whither English?

PEOPLE WHO WRITE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY share a secret language. It's a special vocabulary designed to show the author as both well educated and humorous. More often than not, however, these strange words serve as substitutes for erudition and humor. And they're tired. Give 'em a rest!

Here's an incomplete list of words that should be banned from articles about technology: 

Brouhaha: 'br�-"h�-"h�, "uproar." This is a funny word to read in a technology article -- at least, it was the first 500 times I read it. 

Caveat Emptor: 'ka-vE-"�t 'em(p)-t&r, "let the buyer beware." People read product reviews to get unambiguous recommendations from experts. When the author can't provide that, he or she writes, "caveat emptor." The phrase is Latin for: "Aren't I smart? I'm using Latin! You're on your own with that printer purchase." 

Whilst: 'hwI(&)lst, "while." Often starts a sentence and sometimes even the whole article. Whilst I suppose this is still a legitimate word among some Commonwealth Nations, it's used by North American tech journalists only as a clue that the author is being flip.

Whither: 'hwi-[th]&r, "to what place." This is particularly annoying when used in headlines, as in "Whither 3G?" This is a knee-jerk fallback when tech editors are on deadline and can't think of a headline. I know. I've done it myself. 

These words would never be used in spoken American English. Why torture us with them in computer journals? 

If you've seen examples of other overused cliche words in the tech press, please send 'em to me! I'll publish a more complete list in a later issue. 

Unanticipated Convergence

The Casio KP-C50 PC Tag Writer is a USB mouse with a built-in printer! The $70 input/output device will print labels using any TrueType font installed on your PC in any of six colors. The gadget works with Windows 98, 98SE, or 2000 Professional, but not, oddly enough, with Windows 95 or Windows NT. It's great for people who print labels, make fortune cookies or always write very short letters. 

Site Automatically 'Gives em What They Want'

NewsTrove has to be the most brilliant and -- in 20-20 hindsight, obvious -- concept for a web site I've heard in a long time. Founder and Dallas computer consultant James Stakelum builds information web pages around the leading search engine search terms. When a specific topic rises near the top of the search engine popularity list, his system creates a page for it. He knows there's huge demand for every one of his hundreds of topics. The site launched in June after a year of programming, and the initial traffic basically rounded to zero. But James told me that after September 11 (when "Osama Bin Laden" and "Afghanistan" replaced "Britney Spears" and "sex" as the leading search terms) his site exploded in popularity. Now he gets about 1.3 million hits a day. 

Fridge is 'Brain' of Intelligent Room

The Hay-Adams Hotel, across from the White House in Washington, D.C., and the Inter-Continental Houston Hotel, will be the first to install "Intelligent Room" technology by Bartech Systems International. Bartech makes Ethernet-connected minibars that put those $5 cans of Heineken on your bill before you take your first sip. The "Intelligent Room" system physically hooks up room lighting, temperature controls, room safe, electrical outlets and high-speed Internet connections to the minibar's computer and network connection. Room lights and temperature controls remain off most of the time. When a guest checks in, the front desk computer automatically tells the room's refrigerator to power everything up to greet the guest. 

PhotoShop Phonies

The "Body Mouse" looks freakishly real. The top looks like toes and the bottom like teeth. Don't worry, it doesn't exist in real life. The "Body Mouse" is an art project created by Chris Lomaka.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Share the joy! Forward Mike's List to a friend!!!

Mike's List was featured as the "Internet Site of the Week" in Thailand's English-language Bangkok Post. A big Mike's List welcome to all my new Thai subscribers! 

Craig Crossman's Computer America features Mike's List content on every show (and I join Craig live on the first broadcast Sunday of every month). You can hear Computer America on your local Business TalkRadio station or over the Internet each Sunday from 1pm to 3pm Silicon Valley Time. Don't miss Computer America!

Follow-Up

I mentioned as an aside in Mike's List #30 that the James Bond people are suing the Austin Powers people to keep them from using the name "Goldmember" in the title of the next Austin Powers movie because it too closely resembles the title of the 1964 Bond movie, "Goldfinger." In the spirit of good will and big bucks, MGM and New Line announced that they have reached an agreement to allow the next Mike Meyers comedy to be called, "Austin Powers in Goldmember."

Have you seen additional coverage of a Mike's List item? Let me know! 

Wacky Web Sites

Long Bets is a place where rich geeks bet each other on when future events will happen. The money goes to charity. 

SheepGame brings all the face-paced action and excitement of sheep herding to your PC screen. Round 'em up! And if you want some real excitement, try CowGame!

The Bad Jocks web site chronicles athletes who get in trouble with the law: "Where COPS Meets SportsCenter." 

The Art Cars In Cyberspace web site is devoted to those nutty custom cars you see around town -- if your town is in California. 

The web site isn't wacky, but the URL is. Google's URL for links to web sites about Pi is -- what else? -- http://3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097.org

You know you're having a bad day when office supplies attack!

No, you're not seeing double. It's a dating web site for twins to meet other twins. (I wonder if the site is mirrored somewhere...)

Ugly animals need web sites, too. 

Here's a wacky web site devoted to wacky packages!

Watch the Internet grow before your very eyes!

 If you see a really crazy web site: Let me know! 

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Reader Comment

Mike, 
Jan English-Lueck's book, Cultures@SiliconValley, is now officially available. Jan, Chuck and Jim are even now doing a more detailed analysis of the "duel-families Data Berg" for the third book in the SVCP Life in Silicon Valley series.
Karl Lueck
Silicon Valley Cultures Project

Mike,
Thanks for the mention about our shark alerts ("Cell Phone Shark Alert," issue #36). The lifeguards do clear the beaches when sharks are spotted. This is just one more way to let people know about dangerous conditions.
Dawn Schauman

Mike,
Saw your article on U.S. cell phone low service levels, tied to lack of number portability between carriers. This used to be the case in Australia, too, with 3 main mobile telcos. Recently the Government forced mobile number portability through legislation, and now we can change carriers and keep the old numbers. This is much fairer, and has enabled better competition.
Vic Quittner

Mike, 
A few dozen readers told you about two cars that feature standard American two-prong outlets: The Pontiac Vibe and the Toyota Matrix. Well, my Chevy 2001 S-10 Pickup not only still has the cigarette lighter but two outlets on the passenger side of the ash tray for cell phones, etc. Maybe the construction crew group has more use for auxiliary power sources than the yuppie crowd...
David Rinehart

I get hundreds of reader e-mail messages per week, so I can publish only a tiny fraction of them. I reserve the right to edit letters for length and clarity. Send comments to: [email protected]

Last Week's Mystery Pic

No, it's not the NASA Control Center from the set of "I Dream of Jeanie," the first working prototype of the Palm Pilot from 1968 or even my home office, as suggested by some readers. It's the security control room from a massive underground city built in West Virginia during the Cold War where members of congress and their families would have been moved during a nuclear war. Code-named "Project Greek Island," the nuke-proof shelter was constructed in 1960 under the luxurious Greenbrier Hotel. The place is now a tourist attraction. Major congratulations to Bruce Shervey who was the first and the only reader to get this one right!

 Have you seen an amazing, hard-to-identify picture? Let me know!

Mystery Pic o' the Week

What is it? Send YOUR guess to [email protected]. If you're first with the right answer, I'll print your name in the next issue of Mike's List!

Mike's List User Manual

If you'd like to search the Mike's List archive for stories that appeared in previous issues, the best way to do it is by using Google's "site" feature. Just add "site:mikeslist.com" -- without the quotation marks -- after your search query. So, for example, if you wanted see mentions of Bill Gates in Mike's List, go to Google and enter: 

Bill Gates site:mikeslist.com

And you'll get this result.