Access of Evil

PRESIDENT BUSH rolled out his "Axis of Evil" line at the recent State of the Union address to focus world attention on Iraq, Iran and North Korea as rogue terrorist nations. Since the speech, he's blurted out the phrase at every opportunity. 

I wince each time I hear "Axis of Evil" -- it's the most idiotic presidential mantra in memory. 

Bush repeats the phrase because he wants to be like Ronald Reagan, who referred to the Soviet Union as the "Evil Empire" so many times that people eventually realized, "Hey, the Soviet government really is an evil empire!" Reagan's "Evil Empire" label was effective because it was true. 

Bush's "Axis of Evil" fails on three counts. First, Iraq, Iran and North Korea don't operate as an "Axis" in the same way that the World War II Axis of Germany, Italy and Japan did in their unified opposition to the Allies.

Second, Bush uses "Axis of Evil" in the context of fighting terrorism after September 11. North Korea -- clearly one of the most evil regimes in history -- had nothing to do with the suicide massacres in New York and Washington D.C. Iraq and Iran were bit players at most. 

And finally, "Axis of Evil" fails by omission: It's a smokescreen to divert attention away from the main source of terrorism in the world: Saudi Arabia. The House of Saud is a machine that converts U.S. oil dollars into violent anti-American, anti-Israeli hate. The worst madrasas are Saudi funded. The September 11 killers were mostly Saudis, and Bin Laden is Saudi. The current government isn't cooperating with the War on Terror, despite what their P.R. machine wants you to believe. But, hey, we've got S.U.V.s and they've got oil, so I guess they're OK, right George? 

Meanwhile, I have another axis to grind. 

There are many clues that expose the evilness of a government. For example, if soldiers "goose step" instead of march, chances are the regime is evil. If there are more pictures of the leader on billboards than Nike ads, chances are the regime is evil. And if you've never seen the president's wife, chances are the regime is evil.

I don't know if President Bush uses sophisticated criteria like these to figure out who's part of his axis, but I do have another one. 

As a geek, I find it convenient to equate restrictions on the Internet with evil government. For example, Cuba has more interrogation rooms than Internet chat rooms. They've never heard of instant messaging in Myanmar. And China -- which is a mixed bag in the evil department -- is also not coincidentally a mixed bag in terms of Internet access. (Soon China will have more people on the Internet than the United States, but the government still finds it necessary to construct a "Great Firewall of China" to keep people from visiting Falun Gong web sites. People like me go to jail for writing e-mail newsletters that criticize the Chinese president. And every once in a while, the police crack down on those Internet Cafes that threaten public order.)

Let's look at Bush's "Axis of Evil." The Iraqi public has virtually no access to the Internet. And I have more Internet-connected PCs in my home office than all of North Korea. Why? Well, according to my criteria, they're evil. 

But Iran is a different story altogether. Most Iranians with computers have full, unrestricted access to all the porn, flame wars and junk mail that you and I do. Opposition parties pretty much say what they want online, and most major political actors have web sites. Consumers PC sales are brisk, and many homes have DSL connections. Because Ayatollah-backed thugs prowl the streets, clubbing young couples for crimes like holding hands in public, a lot of young people go online to chat, flirt and carry on relationships. 

Yes, Iran exports terrorism and violence. The regime is repressive and theocratic. Heck, their soldiers even do the "goose step." I don't know if the Iranian government is evil or not, but I do know that all this unrestricted Internet access is an interesting difference. Unless the fascist clerics who lord over the political scene there get busy and ban the Internet, they're going to have another revolution on their hands. Iranians just have way too much access to information and communication on the net. 

OK, enough about evil. Let's have some fun!

The End of Snail Mail

If you love e-mail and hate paper mail, here's a service you'll enjoy. Sign up, and all your regular postal mail gets routed to the service. PaperlessPObox.com will scan it and send it to you as e-mail. 

'I Don't Know Why We Call It a Mouse'

Check out these incredible videos of some of the first demonstrations in Silicon Valley of basic computing concepts we now take for granted. In December of 1968, Douglas C. Engelbart and colleagues from the Stanford Research Institute gave the demos at the Fall Joint Computer Conference held at a convention center in San Francisco. I found this one really cool -- researchers in Menlo Park demonstrate for the first time ever a new device called a "mouse," while Engelbart says, "I don't know why we call it a mouse ... it started that way and we never did change it." 

We've Cured Polio; How About 'Mouse Elbow'?

Pediatrics International reported recently that, according to a Japanese study, one out of seven young gamers develop health problems because of the overuse of peripherals. A whopping 20% suffer muscle stiffness, and some have shoulder blades that have been displaced. Conditions are identified as "mouse elbow," "joystick digit" and "hand-arm vibration syndrome" are caused by repetitive stress and overenthusiastic use of PC hardware. 

Distributed Java

Inventor Ichiro Shiio of Tamagawa University in Tokyo has created a system to notify office workers when fresh coffee has been brewed. When the "Meeting Pot" finishes pumping hot water through the coffee filter, it sends a wireless signal to remote devices in every office in the building. The devices produce the smell of coffee, so everyone knows to run to the break room and pour themselves another cup. 

The Solution to Nagging Guilt!

I know you've been feeling awful lately about not contributing to Mike's List. While other readers have contributed between $3 and $20 each, enabling me to bring you mind-blowing entertainment completely without advertising or spam, you've been holding back. And I know you feel terrible that I pay for more than half the costs of Mike's List out of my own pocket. Well, here's the solution: Just click here and make a small contribution. You'll feel much better and so will I.  : ) 

Proof You Can Buy Anything on the Web

Collectors have been buying, selling and swapping trading cards of athletes and celebrities since long before the web came along. But thanks to PeopleCards you can buy truly rare cards featuring <drum roll, please> random strangers. And here's the cool part: If you're a stranger, you can submit your photo and stats and possibly end up in the next deck! 

Cell Phone Follies

The Highland hotel in Scotland will baby-sit your cell phone while you romp across the Sutherland countryside. If your phone rings, cell sitters will answer it, informing the caller that you are unavailable. If a call turns out to be an emergency, they'll tell you about it. Otherwise they'll take a message.  

Shameless Self-Promotion

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Hollywood Spy

The Grammy Awards, hosted by Jon Stewart this year, are Wednesday. My Hollywood Spy tells me each celebrity who takes the stage at the ceremony will walk away with $16,000 worth of tchotchkes, including a BlackBerry pager and an Apple iPod music player (not to mention diamond earrings, deodorant and Tic Tac mints). Random trivia: Apple will get a Technical Grammy this year. 

Reader Mailing List o' the Week

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Get YOUR web site on the high-traffic Mike's List Reader Links page. HERE'S HOW! 

Wacky Web Sites

Protect yourself from electromagnetic psychotronic mind control (don't ask...) with an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. This web site tells you how to make your own. 

Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies can also be used to keep your meat hats fresh!

The Warholizer takes your perfectly good digital pictures and transforms them into Andy Warhol-style pop art to be displayed on the web site. 

Let's press the International Olympic Committee to include this hot new sport in the summer games: Extreme Ironing!

If your schedule is as inflexible as your spine, why not learn yoga at your desk. New York Yoga gives live yoga classes over the Internet.

What's YOUR Pokemon name? Find out!

At last! Detailed instructions on how to put your dart board on the Internet!

 If you see a really crazy web site: Let me know! 

Last Week's Mystery Pic

No, it's not Adolph Hitler's wedding license, driver's license or green card, as suggested by some readers. It's a passport forged by British intelligence agents during World War II. The British secret service was deeply skilled in the art of forgery. They had senses of humor, too. The passport is marked with a red "J," designating Hitler as Jewish. It's stamped with a visa that authorizes him to settle in Palestine. The forgery is one of more than 1,000 put on display at the Public Record Office in Kew, London. Congratulations to Trevor W. Jackson for being first with the right answer. 

 Have you seen an amazing, hard-to-identify picture? Let me know!

Mystery Pic o' the Week

What is it? Send YOUR guess to [email protected]. If you're first with the right answer, I'll print your name in the next issue of Mike's List!

Mike's List User Manual

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