Cell Phone Wars!

A VICIOUS CELL PHONE ARMS RACE is breaking out worldwide. For years, inconsiderate cell phone users have disturbed others with constant chirping, ringing and cheap-sounding renditions of "Ode to Joy," followed by bellowing personal conversations nobody wants to hear. They wreck plays, ruin movies, disrupt dinners and generally irritate passersby. 

But now victims are fighting back, using "cell phone jammers" to electronically scramble all calls within range. 

India now uses cell phone jammers in parliament because it's the only way to get lawmakers to stop disrupting important government business. (Ministers in Croatia have come up with a low-tech solution: Anyone who disturbs cabinet meetings with a cell phone has to buy lunch for all members.) The government in Hong Kong plans to distribute jammers in key public places to restore peace. 

Cell phone jamming is illegal in the United States. But I have a feeling that may change -- it turns out George Bush is the ultimate cell phone hater. George W may not only push for jammers, but may want to deploy a satellite-based cell-phone defense system covering the entire nation. 

There are 100 million cell phones in the U.S., and therefore a huge demand for jammers. Even Canada is thinking about allowing cell phone jammers -- probably to shut down all those ringing sounds they hear coming across the border from the U.S.

Which raises the quintessential moral, ethical and legal dilemma of our age: to jam, or not to jam. 

On the one hand, if one schmuck can use the public airways wreck a movie with his annoying cell phone, why can't a theater owner use the same public airways to muzzle that phone for the benefit of the other 300 people in the theater? 

On the other hand, there are good reasons to ban jamming. People have come to rely on cell phones for emergencies. If calls are blocked, and people don't know it, there could be unforeseen consequences. 

Recently, for example, a Kenyan man lost his cell phone. He called his cell number hoping to hear the phone ring, and he did -- from inside his German Shepard, Snoopy! The dog had swallowed his phone. Vets surgically remove the phone, and both Snoopy and phone are fine. But cell phone jammers would have prevented this miracle, and Snoopy may not have been able to pass his owner's Nokia.

Nevertheless, I think it should be legal to use cell-phone jammers in restaurants, movie theaters, libraries and other places where silence is generally preferred, as long as patrons are notified in advance. (They can always choose to go elsewhere.) 

My only concern is that handset makers will retaliate, by building increasingly powerful and stealthy phones designed to overpower or evade jammers. 

This could get nasty. 

What do you think? Drop me a line. 

Emergency Workers Embrace SMS
Firefighters in Amsterdam will send out SMS (short messaging system) messages to notify the deaf at the same time they hit their sirens. The messages will read (in Dutch, of course): "Go inside and close doors and windows." But won't deaf people who live near fire stations have to go inside and close doors and windows dozens of times a day? Meanwhile, Amsterdam police have instituted a policy of sending SMS messages to stolen cell phones once a minute to nag thieves into returning the phones.  

Robot Acts as Family Counselor
A robot from NEC called PaPeRo can sense when families are arguing and step in as a kind of robo-referee, according to company. The 11-pound robot sports two digital cameras, four microphones, five sensors and a 3,000-phrase vocabulary. The company claims PaPeRo can even recognize 650 facial expressions. 

Bank Error in Your Favor
A Royal Bank of Scotland computer bug caused amounts withdrawn from some ATM machines to be credited, rather than subtracted. The more money bank customers withdrew, the more they had in their accounts. Unfortunately for customers, the bank corrected the error. 

Winmag.com Crashes and Burns
CMP Media executed a controlled descent of Winmag.com last week. The editorial operation mostly burned up in the atmosphere. Massive chunks of supersonic flaming metal struck several employees, however, while others survived by entering the Mother Ship. Some of my fellow WinMaganaut contributors, editors and writers have posted web sites (some about the disaster), including John Woram, Fred Langa, Karen Kenworthy, Scot Finnie, Dan Rosenbaum, Warren Ernst, Jason Levine, Dave Methvin and Serdar Yegulalp. It's the end of an era. 

'I'm Sorry, What Was the Name of That Company?'
Hyundai Electronics Industries Co., which is a huge Korean chip maker, announced recently that it would change its name to "Hynix Semiconductor, Inc." They didn't ask, but I have the perfect slogan: "Hynix. We're working our asses off!"

Rumor Watch
A rumor is circulating that Yahoo will soon launch a music engine. Speculation was fueled by the March 2 purchase by Yahoo of the URL "turbojukebox.com." 

Proof You Can Buy Anything on the Net
Here's a company that goes completely against the grain when it comes to PC design. TechStyle sells wooden PCs, peripherals, laptops, phones, cameras -- even Palm organizers. They're actually cooler than they sound!

Or how about a horse-drawn Hearse? 

Ad Creep
The latest brilliant advertising idea makes my skin crawl. The Rasheed Wallace agency wants to sell tattoo advertising space on the skin of NBA players. The idea is to come up with millions of dollars to convince big-name basketball players to get tattoos that consist of advertising messages. Once the major sports heroes get them, teenagers are sure to follow -- and will likely sell ad space on their bodies at discount rates. In a related story, I signed a contract last week with Nike to have a giant Nike "swoosh" tattooed on my forehead in exchange for $220,000. At first I was hesitant, but then I heard a little voice inside that said, "Just do it." 

Follow-Up
I reported robots in the sewers of Albuquerque, Omaha and Indianapolis in my February 6 issue of Mike's List. In that same issue, I also wrote a bit about new high-tech camouflage uniforms being rolled out by the Marine Corp. Coincidentally -- about a month later -- The New York Times finally got around to picking up the sewer-robot story and WIRED News covered the high-tech camouflage story, both on March 8. 

Reader Web Site o' the Week
Check out Swaine's World, awesome tech news about Macintoshes, Unix and Linux, Windows, E-business and Web development, gadgets and inventions, rights and legal issues, semiconductor news, international tech news, science news, weird stuff and more from a veteran columnist, writer, editor and technologist. Party on, Swaine!

Get YOUR web site on the high-traffic Mike's List Reader Links page. HERE'S HOW! 

Mike's List o' Crazy Gadgets
Three companies in Japan are working together to launch cell phones that can display 3D images, for 3D games and characters. The technology is called Mascot Capsule Engine/Micro3D Edition For J-Phone, and will be available in Japan in new 3D-screen cell phones that launch in June. Meanwhile, here in the  States, my cell phone screen is based on clay tablet technology and cuneiform. 

A company called Idea International plans to start selling alarm clocks next month that wake you to the sound of your own MP3 or WAV files. It sports a USB port for downloading songs from your PC. 

Mike's List o' Wacky Web Sites
Why live your life when you can live the virtual life of a McDonald's burger flipper. 

It's all the rage in Europe right now: Fling the cow!

Killer fonts: No, really. They're typefaces inspired by famous killers...

Have you ever wanted an e-mail address that ended in "elvis.com"? Me neither. 

Now you can become a Zen master from the comfort of your own office furniture. All you need is a pure soul, a clear mind and a Java-compatible browser. 

Find a speed trap in your area. 

When Web vandals strike, this web site gets a screenshot of the defaced pages, and catalogs them for your amusement. 

At first I thought this web site was dedicated to me...

I think I'm going to be SICK! 

Last Week's Mystery Pic
No, it's not Battle Bots Jr., my cufflink collection or tanks to fight tiny aliens, as suggested by some readers. In last week's pic, Sandia National Laboratories researcher Doug Adkins checked out tiny robots he created along with Ed Heller. The robots each weigh less than an ounce, the smallest disconnected robots ever. Congratulations to Paul Spoerry for being first with the right answer. 

Mystery Pic o' the Week

What is it? Send YOUR guess to [email protected]. I'll publish the name of the first person with the right answer in the next issue of Mike's List. 

Mike's List o' Required Reading
The English Empire
By Peter Taylor
"It is the Net's lingua franca. But is English an agent for linguistic imperialism, or are native speakers about to see their control of it slip from their grasp?"
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Is The Macintosh A "Belief Brand?" 
By Charles W. Moore
"According to The Christian Science Monitor and the Financial Times, the giant advertising agency Young & Rubicam claims that certain consumer brands have become the new religion. 'When they buy an Apple computer, they buy into the company's philosophy - not to show off, but just for their well-being.'" 
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Pranks Show Lighter Side of Mir
By Simon Saradzhyan 
"Working in an old tin can 300 kilometers above the Earth is serious business, but even so the occupants of the Mir space station have shared a few lighthearted moments during the ship's 15-year life."
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